Thursday, May 22, 2008

News in Brooklyn


Happy Birthday, Brooklyn Bridge!



So according to an article, sent by Dana, some of the developments down by Myrtle & Flatbush may house the new cast of the Real World:

"The group passed the 1930 art deco telephone company tower recently converted into the BellTel Lofts, rumored to be home to the upcoming Brooklyn edition of MTV's reality show "The Real World." At the Fulton Street Mall, the group swung east, easily outnumbered by throngs of shoppers. A few Mennonites visiting from Virginia, the women with their hair covered in prayer caps, eagerly snapped pictures of the band."

Here is the full text of the article if you want to read - it's long but interesting if you want to know more about the developments going on in the area...

http://www.brooklyndowntownstar.com/StoryDisplay.asp?PID=4&NewsStoryID=7914

I pray that the creators of the Real World choose amongst the other scouted Brooklyn areas. GO to Coney Island!

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Good Lord!

http://gawker.com/389919/our-plan-for-the-real-world-brooklyn

Hide!

*Breath*

It has been sometime since I posted last. All I can say is that I have been on the move, quite literally. I have just rounded out my mini US tour, visiting friends and getting into trouble. Now that I'm home in NYC it is time to breathe and more importantly, sleep.

I promise to post the highlights of my coast to coast hi-jinx soon. Until then, please think of me fondly and enjoy this video:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yrkKwjCnIpY

Friday, April 11, 2008

Strong Little Woman

8-year-old girl asks for divorce in court
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
By: Hamed Thabet

SANA’A, April 9 - An eight-year-old girl decided last week to go the Sana’a West Court to prosecute her father, who forced her to marry a 30-year-old man.

http://yementimes.com/article.shtml?i=1145&p=front&a=2


This is a true testiment that we can all get through the worst of times.

Metaphorical

Dear reader, please enjoy this informative link provided by Abby this morning. If your Thursday night took you to similar places we have seen you will be thanking me (please refer to the possible remedies section.)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hangover

Like the warming strong burst of spring, sailing us briskly into summer, our night spent playing records for bar patrons went out like a lion. Though fierce, this lion can also be cuddly, pacified by a good scratch behind the ears, and enjoys his drink. Although you can’t help but wonder, when said lion has given you a congratulatory pat on the face (for a night well spent), he hasn’t just taken the whole thing off. So, faceless, aching ever where, you stumble weak-kneed toward your office, smarting yet fondly remembering the cuddly moments.

It’s up to you egg sandwich. Work you magic.

Thursday, April 10, 2008

Cosmic Brain Waves

I had a jarring awake dream last night about a deadly tornado.
I woke up to this morning's news report about weather related destruction.

Spooky.

http://www.cnn.com/2008/US/weather/04/10/midwest.storms.ap/index.html

Animals are Better than Humans Series

Actually both human and animal shine in this story.
(an oldie but a goodie)

several years ago this woman found a sick, malnourished lion cub in
the jungle. She took the cub home and fed him and brought him up until
he was too big to keep anymore. She made arrangements with a zoo in
Colombia to take the lion.

This is the video of what happened when she went to visit him in the
zoo for the first time.

http://www.telestereo.com/Archivos/video.swf_http://www.telestereo.com/Archivos/video.swf_

http://www.therandomforest.com/2008/03/17/lion-hugging-woman/

Wednesday, April 09, 2008

It's a bird...It's a Plane...It's Mass Cancelations

I hope you don't have to go anywhere that your feet or mass transit cannot take you. American Airlines (along with other airlines) has now canceled up to 850 flights. The FAA is cracking down, y'all, and has forced the airlines to ground planes so that the electrical wiring can be properly inspected. There will be no more tragedies on their hands, except the uproarious cries of stranded passengers littering the terminals through out the metropolitan area.

My New York escape plan invovles multiple flights on jet liners. I only hope this has been cleared up by the time I need to scoot.

Fare thee well, weary travelers.

Tuesday, April 08, 2008

Tattoos are Forever

Work has me by the toe.
Talk amongst yourselves.

Friday, April 04, 2008

The Kids are all Grown Up...and Now Old

Everyone get your over sized t-shirts and leggins out of storage, New Kids On the Block, or their preferred NKOTB, are reuniting. This begs the question: Why?

http://www.nkotb.com/

They have a blog and everything...but who doesn't, right?

In other music news, I saw Helio Sequence last night at Bowery Ballroom. (Photos to follow) The drummer is insane. They won my heart with their live performance. My fellow show goers saw Beach House there the previous evening and said they were equally impressive. They report that couples across the Ballroom started making out as the band began to play. Magical.

And now, I'm off into the rain to wash away the morning malaise.

Thursday, April 03, 2008

Sign of the Times

Recession: “Last Exit before Hell”

The Associated Press
“For the first time, Federal Reserve Chairman Ben Bernanke acknowledged that the US could be headed into a Recession.” All I have to say is welcome to the party Benny. This is not news. Where have you been? Obviously you weren’t trying to get a job, buy/sell a home, pump gas, etc…

9 Year Olds in Georgia plan to murder Teacher: “Caution: Children at Play”

This is a particularly scary/ridiculous sign of the times. Since when have nine year olds gravitated toward punishing their teacher’s disciplining in class by death? These Georgian children set out on their insidious plan by giving each other homework assignments, each bringing in something to accomplish their deed, an evil show and tell. After seeing the inventory, it was apparent that the mastermind was indeed a 9 year old and fortunately for Georgia, 9 year olds aren’t that bright:

The instruments of death:
1. pair of red woolen mittens (Untied from coat sleeves)
2. pair of handcuffs (previous use: “Cops and Robbers”)
3. one pet rock (for budging)
4. one steak knife (parents took from local Outback)

9 Year in NYC rides the Subway Alone; Mother lets him: “Be prepared to Stop”

How is this news worthy? How is this a complete segment on a morning News program?
When asked how he enjoyed his solo subway ride from Bloomingdales back to his apartment, the child responded: “it was finally nice to get time by myself so I could conspire and hatch my plan to rid the school of my teacher. Mur ha ha.”

Wednesday, April 02, 2008

Top 10 on #1

CanWest News Service

Here are 10 of the top April Fool's Day pranks ever pulled off, as judged by the San Diego-based Museum of Hoaxes for their notoriety, absurdity, and number of people duped.

In 1957, a BBC television show announced that thanks to a mild winter and the virtual elimination of the spaghetti weevil, Swiss farmers were enjoying a bumper spaghetti crop.Footage of Swiss farmers pulling strands of spaghetti from trees prompted a barrage of calls from people wanting to know how to grow their own spaghetti at home.

In 1985, Sports Illustrated magazine published a story that a rookie baseball pitcher who could reportedly throw a ball at 270 kilometers per hour (168 miles per hour) was set to join the New York Mets. Finch was said to have mastered his skill -- pitching significantly faster than anyone else has ever managed -- in a Tibetan monastery. Mets fans' celebrations were short-lived.

Sweden in 1962 had only one television channel, which broadcast in black and white.The station's technical expert appeared on the news to announce that thanks to a newly developed technology, viewers could convert their existing sets to receive color pictures by pulling a nylon stocking over the screen. In fact, they had to wait until 1970.

In 1996, American fast-food chain Taco Bell announced that it had bought Philadelphia's Liberty Bell, a historic symbol of American independence, from the federal government and was renaming it the Taco Liberty Bell. Outraged citizens called to express their anger before Taco Bell revealed the hoax.
Then-White House press secretary Mike McCurry was asked about the sale and said the Lincoln Memorial in Washington had also been sold and was to be renamed the Ford Lincoln Mercury Memorial after the automotive giant.

In 1977, British newspaper The Guardian published a seven-page supplement for the 10th anniversary of San Serriffe, a small republic located in the Indian Ocean consisting of several semicolon-shaped islands. A series of articles described the geography and culture of the two main islands, named Upper Caisse and Lower Caisse.

In 1992, U.S. National Public Radio announced that Richard Nixon was running for president again. His campaign slogan this time around was, "I didn't do anything wrong, and I won't do it again." They even had clips of Nixon announcing his candidacy. Listeners flooded the show with calls expressing their outrage. Nixon's voice actually turned out to be that of impersonator Rich Little.

In 1998, a newsletter titled New Mexicans for Science and Reason carried an article that the state of Alabama had voted to change the value of pi from 3.14159 to the "Biblical value" of 3.0.

Burger King, another American fast-food chain, published a full-page advertisement in USA Today in 1998 announcing the introduction of the "Left-Handed Whopper," specially designed for the 32 million left-handed Americans. According to the advertisement, the new burger included the same ingredients as the original, but the condiments were rotated 180 degrees. The chain said it received thousands of requests for the new burger, as well as orders for the original "right- handed" version.

Discover Magazine announced in 1995 that a highly respected biologist, Aprile Pazzo (Italian for April Fool), had discovered a new species in Antarctica: the hotheaded naked ice borer. The creatures were said to have bony head plates that became burning hot, allowing the animals to bore through ice at high speed -- a technique they used to hunt penguins.

Noted British astronomer Patrick Moore announced on the radio in 1976 that at 9:47 am, a once-in-a-lifetime astronomical event, in which Pluto would pass behind Jupiter, would cause a gravitational alignment that would reduce the Earth's gravity. Moore told listeners that if they jumped in the air at the exact moment of the planetary alignment, they would experience a floating sensation. Hundreds of people called in to report feeling the sensation.

April Not 1st

I hope everyone is recovering from the plastic wrapped toilets, fake doggy poo; fake flies in the ice cubes, whoopee cushions, underpants sewn together, etc. I did not register April 1 yesterday. I received many links and funny testimonials and yet I failed to realize that they were associated with April Fools Day. Wikipedia has already posted all the jokes pulled yesterday: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/April_1,_2008.

I mostly experienced global pranks (mostly Google) and regrettably do not have any personal testimonials to the day. I did not attempt a prank. Due to my recent severe mood, I thought that any attempt of tom foolery might result in something regrettable and potentially tragic. “What started as a harmless April Fools joke has resulted in…

1. the collapse of a midtown financial building.
2. chaos and destruction.
3. the pulled muscle heard around the world.

Instead, I will share the joke my friend Audrey and her boyfriend (not fiancé) received from their friend Todd.

(Dear Audrey and Ryan,

It was wonderful meeting with Ryan. I look forward to meeting Audrey. I've finalized the date and I'm discussing options with the caterer. I'll get back to you with choices later this evening.


Happy Wishes and True Love!

Rita Roosevelt

Wedding Coordinator

rita@yourmostspecialmoment.com

http://www.yourmostspecialmoment.com/weddings

And the adoption site: http://www.yourmostspecialmoment.com/adoptions/)

Tuesday, April 01, 2008

April's Fool

(courtesy of Abby & Google)
Rick Astley: Face like a child, voice like a man.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yu_moia-oVI

There is something hypnotic in that sport coat swaying hip to hip arm to arm. Though, my favorite outfit is the cat burglar/flasher.

I also enjoy the bartender that spins for days and can leap tall counters in a single bound, not to mention the two back up dancers that the 80's birthed into a mixed up spandex world.


Ps. Speaking of a mixed up world...I got to see my stomach on camera today. The camera does add 10 lbs.

Monday, March 31, 2008

Pretty on the Inside

I just found out that I have to get an Upper GI X-ray tomorrow. I’ve been told that I can’t eat or drink anything after midnight. I had a full, exciting weekend and the long nights out will make for a restful Monday. Now, I know that I will most likely be asleep at midnight and not conscious for food and drink, but something about being told I can’t makes me want to do nothing but eat or/and drink all night.

I wonder what will happen…Will my GI tract spawn other GI tract creatures who will transform into small, destructive monsters? I better keep bright light away from my mouth, just in case.

Support the People You Know

This in from Audrey's friend...
Message:

Just wanted to let you all know that "A Powerful Noise", the film I've been editing for the past year, was selected for the 2008 Tribeca Film Festival at the end of April! We're very excited and are trying to create some internet buzz around the event. Although most of you aren't in town to see the premiere, you can help us out by checking out the trailer on You Tube. Please take a peek when you get a chance and give it a good rating (regardless what you think ;-) and make it a "favorite." Confrontational/funny/demented/sincere/gratuitous comments RE women's empowerment -- or whatever your cause -- welcome!

In addition to NYC, the film will be playing in other cities later this year including DC, LA and Atlanta, with more cities to be announced. For those of you in the DC area, "A Powerful Noise" will play at the AFI/Discovery Channel SILVERDOCS festival at the end of June. I'll let you know when they announce the screening date.
Select the link below to see the trailer and visit the APN website to read more about the film and the cause.

Thanks!!

http://youtube.com/watch?v=dv2UIrklRoE

http://apowerfulnoise.org/screenings.html

Jaime Does Yoga and…

1. falls on the floor
2. will never be the same
3. is crippled by sore muscles.
4. is 2 inches taller

Saturday afternoon I set out to cross something off my ever growing resolution list: start taking Yoga classes. Next on the list is fighting off financial ruin, paying off the credit cards, and disinfecting the litter box at least once a month.

The instructor was everything I wanted in a “spiritual” leader, equal parts hippie, esoteric, nerdy and not in the least intimidating. After a good bit about finding your inner bliss and how not acknowledging the impermanence of things around us leads to disappointment and heart break (too pertinent), we began posing.

I’m not sure if you have ever been in a room filled with people breathing heavily and contorting in tight, organic cotton, but it can be a little distracting. It was very hard to imagine that I was made of clear blue sky and bright, un-blinding light. The poses were another story all together.

I secretly thought I was going to master the art of yoga in one afternoon. Having taking dance for many years (many years ago) I naturally thought that an exercise in flexibility and balance would be simple. I was wrong. On a number of occasions, the instructor had to come over to my mat and manually position me into the proper stance, after a loud warning that I may slip a disc. Oops. I found that when we were called to drop to the floor for “resting poses” I quite literally threw myself to the ground as if bowing awkwardly to the Yoga supreme, most uncomfortably (for both of us.) Other resting poses were publicly awkward, more specifically the happy baby. This pose should not be done in front of anyone, unless they are your gynecologist. Oof.

I had more luck with the standing poses, kind of. The Warrior was my favorite and once I thought I “nailed” it, I beamed with pride, expecting praise from the instructor. What I did receive was only an adjustment: legs into basically a split, and attitude into the unhappy baby.

On a happy note, it was a good feeling being able to even participate in such physical activity. I was forced to retreat from the world for such a long time that it feels amazing to find myself contorting myself back into it, one pose at a time.

I will leave you with my favorite names for poses:
Downward Facing Dog - Adho Mukha Svanasana
Half Lord of the Fishes Pose - Ardha Masyendrasana
Child's Pose - Balasana
Corpse Pose - Savasana http://cityroom.blogs.nytimes.com/2007/10/15/taking-the-yoga-corpse-pose-literally/
Happy Baby Pose - Ananda Balasana
Cat - Cow Stretch
Cobra Pose - Bhujangasana

Friday, March 28, 2008

Spring Fever

It’s another cold and dreary day here in NYC. The morning birds sing promises of spring, but the sun will not cooperate. I have a sinking suspicion the sun is depressed and can not roll out from a fluffy, white bed to face the day bold and proud.

Transition abound, all this recent change has giving many people a touch of “the depression”, just a touch. If I were the sun, I wouldn’t want to look down on all the frowns, drowning in salt water. Maybe if we all join hands and sing a chorus with the birds, we can convince the sun to come out and dry up all the rain.

Hecks Kitchen

And now in live color...






A Portrait of an Obsessive Friend

Friend: "Would you mind putting on these Reeboks?"
"I hope you're Thirsty!? I made Kool-Aid."

Thursday, March 27, 2008

Humans Take Note

This just in from Audrey...

"Apparently these are real, and the polar bear came back every day that week to play with the dogs."

If you don't already think animals are far more advanced than we humans, think again. Stuart Brown describes Norbert Rosing's striking images of a wild polar bear coming upon tethered sled dogs in the wilds of Canada 's Hudson Bay
The photographer was sure that he was going to see the end of his dogs when the polar bear wandered in, but

The Mean Fort Greene Machine

Watch as I explode with excitement.

“Brooklyn Flea will take place every Sunday—rain or shine—starting April 6, 2008, at Bishop Loughlin Memorial High School in Fort Greene, Brooklyn, on Lafayette Ave. between Clermont and Vanderbilt Ave. The Flea will feature 200 vendors of vintage furniture, clothing and antiques alongside new designs by local makers of everything from jewelry to textiles. More information about the Flea can be found through the "About" link (on http://www.brownstoner.com/brooklynflea/ with a list of vendors [so far].)”

Wednesday, March 26, 2008

A Eulogy to the Man I Loved

The man I loved was kind, giving, forgiving, generous, loyal, honest, loving and trustworthy. He was my best friend; he was my lover. He was killed by a shallow man; an unkind man who is untrustworthy; a selfish man who will kick a person while they are down, just as they are about to stand back up. He is a man who does not know what it means to love. Or it may just be that the man I loved never existed in the first place.

UPDATE Re: Log Cabin in Brooklyn

"Real Estate Mysteries: Bigger than a shoebox, but not much
Nestled between multi-story homes in Brooklyn’s Windsor Terrace, surprise: a wooden cabin"

Looks like someone beat me to my slice of rural living in a big city. I'm so jealous.

Tuesday, March 25, 2008

I Miss My Best Friend

"I'm against picketing, but I don't know how to show it."
-Mitch Hedberg

Whine with my Wine

Another Brooklyn Ladies Association Happy Hour (BLAHH) was called to order last night at 7pm. Four ladies were present at commencement and were able to orient themselves to the daunting menu at the Jake Walk before the other members arrived. In the end, we tried many different types of wines on their vast list, sampled the country pate, olives, 3 different kinds of cheeses. All were delicious and our waitress was adorably helpful.

It was a wonderful way to spend the delicate part of the evening, transitioning from work into leisure. And now that is spring, we were able to sip down the sun. As night rolled over us, and taking a good look in our wallets, we opted for move on to cheaper food and beverage. Some got Cuban sandwiches others falafel, but all met up at the Zombie Hut for 5 dollar “dessert” drinks or 3 dollar beers.

The Zombie Hut was the scene of a rather ugly birthday, where I consumed an entire scorpion bowl (a 151 rum drink) and had to be removed from my own party. At home, somehow I cracked my head on the radiator next to my bed, succeeding in giving myself a concussion. I am now very cautious at the Zombie Hut. I would like to report a stellar performance this visit, but alas I am not meant to be pretty at this bar. Sadly, the 2 glasses of wine loosened my disposition, constitution and my lips. I unloaded my current, past, and future hardships onto a wonderful friend who took all of it with grace and sympathy. Alcohol and grief are not friendly bed fellows and when forced to mix the resulting crash spills on to the people in the hit zone. The amount of alcohol consumed determines the diameter of the “hit zone” and the resulting carnage. There were not many stray bullets this time…

After the “unburdening,” things improved immensely, as we proceeded to a birthday celebration down the block.

I am happy to report that the BLAHH is about to start a BLAHHG: A blog to document and review all the places we try. Also, I have found a partner to help me return to the world of comedy. Our plan is to write and perform a brilliantly funny piece. For now, my plan is to enjoy the sunshine and approaching warm weather and try to figure out each day as they come.

Monday, March 24, 2008

Frowny Faced Economy

Recently, I’ve heard half scared/half defeated voices spout “economic collapse, eventual depression, credit crisis, and American dream turned nightmare.” This time they are not coming from my head; (I often try to harshly self-reference myself straight into a more frugal lifestyle.) This down turn is sadly universal and causing a scare in the financial world, especially with the recent Bear Stearns situation. According to the NY Times “the cash squeeze that brought Bear Stearns to its knees is fanning fears that other investment banks might be vulnerable to the crisis of confidence gripping Wall Street.”

My paranoia plans to pool what ever cash I have, go to home depot, buy out their lumber and garden department, build my own version of a log cabin* directly under the BQE, plant a garden, and live directly off the land, no matter how dirty and urine stained it may be. Whatever money I have left, I will carefully line my mattresses and pillows, batten down the hatches and wait it out in sweet subsistence living bliss. Fortunately, my paranoia is a push over and often loses in a fight with my sanity. I will remain in my apartment (directly under the BQE,) for now.

But, I am not here to deliver more bad news, turn your blues violet. I have heard the first positive news to come out of this whole thing, again from the NY Times. “The slowing economy, weighed down by a widening credit crisis, is likely to delay the signature office tower and three residential buildings at the heart of the $4 billion Atlantic Yards project in Brooklyn, the developer said.” Ratner was not specific, but the delay could be a matter of years. This is good news for Brooklyn residents that have been fighting the good fight for sometime now. This is also good news for my little cabin under the BQE. Honestly, I am surprised that my harshly worded letter did not have the same results.

Well, if the whole thing (the economy) does go down, I promise I will share my coffee rations with you as we count cars from the front porch, which will look remarkably like a raft.

*I do have construction experience. One summer I partnered in the creation of an ill fated table that more closely resembled a raft. It ironically was taken down by strong rains and hurricane type winds. I take comfort in knowing that it may have saved a small animal float to safety during the great roof flood of 2005.

Dark Chocolate Bunny

And so another Monday arrives just as many before and many to follow. I begin my day navigating through the undulating waves of strangers fighting to cut you at the quick. My heart is no longer in the game and I let one selfish neck tie after the next overtake me at each stair, around each corner. I have no fight this morning and fall back into a leisurely pace, knowing it will not help with my tardy attendance record. Coffee in hand, dark glasses at the ready I emerge from the dank depths into sunlight that stings rather than warms this morning. I’ve chosen a path not unlike any other work day, it serves me fine, yet I resent it and am no longer speaking to my commute. I had an escape plan, a solution, a covert operation that would free me from commuter bondage and delivery me into a future where the sun does not sting the skin and faces smile at every turn. A future changed, this day goes down reluctantly, bad tasting medicine fighting its way back up.

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

Cheatin'



Pictures of sleepy puppies win.

Wrestling the Homeless

Homeless Man: "Good morning."
Me: "What's so good about it?"

Monday, March 17, 2008

Fingerless

Well it’s St. Patrick’s Day again. As I will continue to affirm, it is a grueling, traumatic holiday for red heads. We are at the mercy of drunken heckles from all kinds. I choose not to wade through chummed waters this year. In fact, I can’t recall what I did last year. To be fair, last year was not my best, sick from the start to the finished, often crippled by pain and fatigue. And now, as the pain lifts and the fatigue seeks camp in lazier pastures, I still have a fog nipping at my heels and trying (and succeeding) to pull me under once again.

What is that saying? When one door closes, a window opens? I never realized that it was entirely possible to get your fingers caught in the door making it impossible to go through the window. So here I am caught painfully by the past and unable to escape to a new future (at least not one without fingers.)

Thursday, March 13, 2008

Revival

It's back on!
I think I have more things to say.

XO
Jaime